I’m Tired

Maybe it’s Friday talking, but today I’ve had enough.

School opening gone well, kids happy, staff happy and the problem solving aspect of organising everything was, whisper it, an enjoyable logistical challenge. I should be pleased with our team effort, and reflecting that our carefully thought through plans have stood up to the scrutiny of 60 children. And I am, in a way. It’s just hard to focus on that right now.

I was pleased to hear schools weren’t reopening further, it just wasn’t practical in any way with the current guidelines. Until the capacity issue reared it’s head. Instead of clarity we now have vague, blurred lines that will be different for every school. Rather than being giving clarity, we received uncertainty once again. Now I’ve got parents falling over themselves to try and get their child back into school. They aren’t eligible, but they just thought they’d ask. They’re offering to make cleaning committees, rotas, pay for hiring other spaces, put up gazebos anything to get us open. They don’t know the half of it. If only space was the problem. Now we are under pressure to open further. Not just from parents but from well meaning governors too.

Of course I want to see more children in, but I can’t see a way to do it. Then we get onto provision for the other year groups. It’s worse than it was before as the teachers are teaching. That’s not fair on them. Now we’re trying to work how we can improve that teach the other groups at the same time, it’s not a straightforward task. Can we use more tech? Can we audio stream what’s happening in school. Engagement has dropped hugely. What we are offering isn’t working, so we need to find something different. Endless emails and discussions over how to do it. No real ways forward.

Then we start talking about September and what that might look like and start planning for that. And what we might do in a second wave if we lock down again. Will we provide something different to before? We probably should now we know how it all might work. More planning, more meetings, more guidance.

Life as a head is relentless at the best of times, but it’s another level at the moment. It’s coming from every angle, and we aren’t getting support from the organisation there to lead us – the DFE response has been poor – muddled, woolly and generally unhelpful. Tonight I’m just tired of it all.

I’m tired of solving one problem to be faced with another that solving it has created.

I’m tired of having to put my own spin on everything and deciding my own interpretation.

I’m tired of feeling like the blind leading the blind.

I’m tired of thinking about it all.

I’m tired.

But Monday is another day. It’ll come quickly, and it’ll bring more problems. Hopefully it’ll bring some answers too. Until then I’ll wait for the next piece of guidance.